I have always believed that I am like a magnet for immature, selfish, narcissistic guys. Although I’ve joked about it a thousand times with my friends, this has really been a big issue in my life. It appears that every guy who came into my life had had ulterior motives. As a result, I ended up with my heart getting shattered time and time again.
And I couldn’t help but wonder why this kept happening to me. Why were so many toxic men attracted to me? Well, I must admit that it took me a lot of time and self-reflection to figure that out. I’ve finally cracked the code – I’ve realized what I’d been doing to attract toxic guys.
So, if you want to make sure immature, selfish guys are never a part of your life, then ensure you avoid these 8 behaviors.
1. I was too nice and empathetic.
I was always kind, compassionate, and full of understanding. I was the girl who would justify toxic behavior by making excuses for it. I was the girl who would say: “Oh, he’s so busy” or “His heart was broken in the past and that’s why he behaves like this.”
Yes, I was too nice and this made me a perfect prey for toxic men because they enjoy taking advantage of other people’s kindness and empathic nature.
2. I gave more than I took.
Being generous is a wonderful trait to have, but sometimes it can also be your downfall, like in my case. I consciously allowed myself to turn into a relationship martyr. I gave everything I had to toxic guys and I didn’t expect anything in return.
I was always there to listen to their problems and help them overcome them. I took care of their own feelings, needs, and priorities, and I neglected and ignored my own. I didn’t set clear boundaries and that was my greatest mistake. A mistake that made it so easy for them to take advantage of my selflessness for as long as I stayed with them.
3. I tried to fix people.
I am the kind of person that likes to fix others. This characteristic of mine seemed irresistible to toxic guys who were aware of their bad habits and wanted to change them. So, guess what? I was their hope of change. They saw in me someone who was going to help them give up all their bad habits.
But the problem is that toxic people can’t be fixed. They never change. They just use your help to feel better about themselves and then forget about everything and return to their bad habits and toxic behaviors.
Toxic people love talking about themselves. They can talk about their problems and brag about their successes for hours. That’s why they’re attracted to good listeners like I am. Indeed, I’ve always been a great listener, which makes people want to confide in me.
But the toxic guys I dated took advantage of this. Whenever they had a chance, they used it to burden me with their problems and wishes. They never bothered to listen to me or show interest in my opinions, needs, and desires. All they cared about was themselves.
5. I gave the benefit of the doubt.
I always try to see the good in those around me. I’m an expert at finding good traits in everyone, even in toxic guys (or at least I want to believe that they have positive traits).
And I had to pay the price for this. Because even when I caught my ex- toxic boyfriends lying straight to my face, I gave them the benefit of the doubt. I was always willing to make compromises and forgive them for the sake of the relationship.
6. I was too tolerant and easy-going.
I am the kind of person that doesn’t want to put pressure on others. I feel like if I put demands on my partner, I’ll push him away. So, I take a laid-back approach and let the person I’m with take the steering wheel of our relationship.
In my toxic relationships, I just went with the flow and willingly, sometimes even unknowingly, turned a blind eye to situations when a toxic partner was overstepping my boundaries.
7. I’d given up on love.
After some painful experiences, I had become disappointed in love and relationships, and toxic guys could smell that from a mile away.
So, when a sweet, alluring but toxic man came along, showered me with affection, paid real attention to me, and seemed to be a truly kind and honest person, it was easy for me to fall into his trap and think that he was going to be a wonderful partner. And as soon as he knew that I was deeply in love with him, he could then use that to his advantage to get what he wanted from me.
8. I stayed in bad situations longer than necessary.
Toxic people are always looking for someone who tolerates a lot of bullsh*t in their life. Yes, I’m guilty of this – I’m the type of person who can tolerate a lot of crap in my life. For example, during one toxic relationship, I had to deal with the weird, insufferable family members of the guy I was with. And I couldn’t distance myself from them completely because they were his blood relatives and he liked them. Indeed, toxic people attract each other like magnets.
Whenever I tried to complain about this to him, he’d always say: “I know, honey, they can be difficult to handle at times, but, please, don’t be too hard on them. They mean a lot to me, and if you really love me like you say you do, you’ll try to accept and love them as well, won’t you, my love?”