I think you’ve been there before. You learned everything about the narcissist, you know who the narcissist is, but the thing with narcissists is they have “lucky charms” that work for them and carry their dirty laundry while making sure no one sees that the king is naked. So, it is very hard to live in a world that seems to be created to breed and serve these cheaters and manipulators.
These chameleons have multiple faces that they proudly display to others and each face is more deceitful than the previous. They can talk and engage with any social group and be liked by everyone. However, there is a catch – they usually have one target they have in mind and that is a person who has qualities of compassion, integrity, and empathy. Why? Because the narcissist envies anyone who is better than them and in their mind, they become a threat that needs to be eliminated. The narcissist feels they must dim their light fast.
Sadly, the target will become enlightened to the true self of the narcissist, they will see behind their mask but they will not be able to do anything because they are so deep in the connection with them. This form of abuse happens in all kinds of relationships from romantic and family to work ones. It takes place in any situation where the narcissist is able to abuse and manipulate another human being.
So, how the narcissist is able to get away with all the manipulation and still be seen as a good person?
The narcissists are very skillful at managing the ways how other people see them. They can praise their ‘victims’ when they are with them in public, but demean them and criticize them behind closed doors. The narcissist has the ability to provoke others into reacting emotionally which will make them look unstable. That’s how the narcissist covertly abuses their victims – by making them look like they are the abusers and not the victims.
The narcissist will build a mighty pedestal for their victim in order to stage their destruction. They will first idealize their victim, but they will later keep them off-balance by not letting them know where they stand in the narcissist’s life. That’s how the narcissist inflicts pain and doubt into their heart. Therefore, the chosen victim will get devalued and idealized at the same time together with the other victims of the narcissist until getting kicked off from the pedestal for calling the narcissist out of their shit.
In the narcissist’s labyrinth of manipulation, mind-games, and lies the only winner is the narcissist and the victims who are actually able to leave the narcissist and move on with their life.
Moreover, narcissists have something in them that makes people trust them. Whether it is their handsome appearance, their charm, their intellect, or something else, there is just something in them that is mesmerizing to others. This is called a “halo effect” in psychology which is a tendency for people to take one good trait (for instance: “They are so charming”) and then attribute it to the rest of their personality (They must be a smart and good person too!).
And because the narcissist spends their whole life designing a very alluring but false image about themselves, in front of other people they appear to be very caring, warm, and kind. They drive people in with their false trustworthiness and supposed but nonexistent integrity. They carefully choose their victims to be ones who have not yet seen their true self or are willing to disregard all the red flags.
If, however, the narcissist feels they are in trouble of being exposed, they will defend themselves claiming the victims are the problem because they want to cause problems without a reason.
And the reason why we are not equipped to deal with these manipulators is that when someone treats us badly and abuses us in some way, we tend to project our own sense of empathy and morality towards them and convince ourselves that deep inside they are a good person.