Are You Stuck Borderline Personality Disorder Relationship Cycle?

How do you describe a toxic relationship? Is it when the person you’re with is full of insecurity, jealousy or baseless accusations? What if the person you love has a special condition such as BPD, how far can your love push through with the borderline personality disorder relationship cycle?

And, how do you cope up with your partner’s disorder?

Borderline personality disorder


Those who have been diagnosed with BPD or borderline personality disorder is always fighting a battle. They always have high levels of distress and anger that they too can’t explain. They can easily be offended by other people’s actions, words, and live in constant fear. It’s the fear of recurring thoughts of painful pasts, the fear of being abandoned, and other fears that ultimately stress them.

For most people with this disorder, start off showing signs as teens and depending on their environment, can worsen or improve in their adult life. BPD and relationships are closely connected because we all have relationships, may it be family, friends, and your partner.

The hardest part of having relationships with someone with BPD is how you can maintain a healthy relationship. There is what we call a borderline personality disorder relationship cycle and this is what we call the cycle of the relationships revolving around the person’s disorder and how they handle the connection.

It’s a pattern for those who have borderline personality disorder and relationships but we also have to remember that it is not their fault and they did not cause it.

I am in love with someone with BPD

People who have experience dating someone with BPD would describe it as a roller-coaster type of relationship because of the borderline personality disorder relationship cycle but it’s not impossible to make it work.

Loving someone with BPD may be hard at first, chaotic even but just like any other type of love and relationship, it’s still beautiful.

Loving someone with borderline personality disorder may not seem to be a smart choice but we all know that we can’t control love and who we fall in love with. Familiarity with the disorder will definitely help anyone who is in a relationship with someone suffering from BPD.

The number shows that borderline personality disorder in women may differ from men in terms of the effects in relationships. Studies have found that women with borderline personality disorder relationship have greater chances of having short-term relationships and thus chances of conceiving are expected.

Each person with BPD has different challenges to overcome and it’s up to us, the one who chose to be with them to help them get through their battles but often times, we also find ourselves stuck in a BPD relationship cycle.

The BPD relationship cycle

If this is the first time that you’ve heard about borderline personality disorder relationship cycle, then this is your chance to get familiar with it.

Dating someone with borderline personality will experience some of the patterns below but not everyone will. So, it’s up to us to be vigilant in helping our partners.

1. The trigger

People who have borderline personality disorder love relationships know when they are hurting. They are very much in tune with their feelings, in fact, a little too much that any event that causes pain and hurt, becomes traumatic.

Sadly, these are unavoidable, we all get hurt but since BPD and relationships are connected, this traumatic event can trigger the cycle for a person with BPD.

2. In denial

Many people around BPD sufferers don’t quite understand what’s happening. For some, they might say that they are just overreacting or everything is just normal and so on.

But instead of helping a person with BPD, it actually forces them to also be in denial of their true feelings that backfires into resentment and more pain.

3. Fears and doubts

Fears and doubts

If a person with BPD is hurt and instead of addressing the issue, their partners might just leave the relationship or aggravate the situation with more hurtful actions or words.


This may lead to the borderline personality disorder romantic relationship to come to an end, sadly, not in a peaceful way.

4. Disassociation

Anyone who gets hurts by love have different reactions, what more if the person has BPD?

Can you just imagine the intensity of pain that they are feeling that ultimately comes down to this BPD relationship stages where the person just wants to disassociate him or herself from everyone?

Rejection, abandonment, and losing trust is devastating for anyone much more to a person with BPD.

The effects of this borderline personality disorder relationship cycle can range from depression, anger, resentment, revenge, and sadly even self-harm. The confusion, the pain, and the anger are all just too overwhelming for this person and may lead to actions that we all dread.

5. Repeating of the cycle – the trigger

The reason why this is called a cycle is because of love which always gets its way.

No matter how distant a person can be, love and relationships will always be there. Slowly trusting again, slowly learning how to love and smile again is another start of a borderline personality disorder relationships.

Love is a new light of hope for happiness.

But what happens when there’s another painful event? Then, the cycle starts again.

Surviving the BPD relationship cycle

Can you see yourself staying in a relationship with someone with BPD? Can you imagine yourself breaking a person’s heart just because he or she has BPD?

It’s a tough situation, not just for the one suffering borderline personality disorder relationship cycle but also with you.

Will you stay or will you leave? The answer still depends on you but what’s fair is to try your best first. Try your best to be there for the person, after all, you do love him or her, right?

  1. Start with the right commitment – Agree on terms and have the urgency to commit.
  2. Find the right Therapist for you and your partner – Get reviews, search for therapy plans, and anything that has been proven to help.
  3. Focus – Focus on managing BPD and taking medications in treating some of the symptoms.
  4. Hospitalization – In any event of self-harm or suicidal tendencies, hospitalization may be needed.
  5. Support from family and friends is also encouraged – Educating them with the disorder will help tremendously.

People with BPD are just like you and me. In fact, they are good, compassionate, and loving and are capable of controlling their borderline personality disorder relationship cycle, they just have to have someone to be there for them.

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