One thing we don’t mention when we talk about borderline episodes is how exhausting they are. One episode is enough to bring me to my knees. I stay puffy-eyed all day, hoping nobody else notices. This is the time I need you more than ever. My own heart feels like it’s attacking me with overwhelming emotions, and it feels like I’m drowning at sea — but you could be my life vest.
1. Remember my episodes are brought on by fear, not anger.
Knowing this, you should not have to feel that you have necessarily done something wrong. Probably, something was said that made me think you were going to leave me for whatever reason. With fear of abandonment being a key symptom, of course this is going to be very upsetting to me because I can’t imagine living without you.
2. Don’t be afraid of me.
I’m much more likely to hurt myself than you during one of these episodes. They make me feel like a child throwing a tantrum, but it’s only because I want love and reassurance.
3. Don’t ignore me.
The problem will not go away on its own, and I may be inclined to think you don’t care for me if you don’t do something.
4. Hold me.
A simple hug has a lot of power. To me, it is a way to communicate love and affection, and your closeness will calm me down, even if I don’t stop crying.
5. Reassure me.
Tell me you love me, you don’t hate me, and that you’re not leaving me. Those are the two things I fear the most, and hearing your reassurances will bring me much needed relief.
These episodes may look scary to you. My inconsolable crying is definitely not the easiest thing to cope with, but remember that it’s scarier to me and harder for me to cope with. If you can stay by me during these times, you’ll have my loyalty forever.