What happens when you break up with a narcissist?
When you break up with a narcissist, you have to be prepared to take an emotional roller coaster ride. It is not an easy task by any means.
You might have already gone through other sources of information on this subject like other articles, or the advice of a trusted therapist. All of them would have told you that the best course of action is to cut ties completely.
This has consequences. The narcissist is addicted to the ego boost they receive from you and just like a junkie with his heroin, if you cut off their supply, they’ll begin to experience symptoms of ‘withdrawal’.
They’ll immediately start looking for their next fix so they’ll take one of two paths. They will go away, with no thought for all the pain and hurt they’ve caused and.
Or, they’ll come right back and single-mindedly pursue you till they can get you back. They cannot handle loneliness and someone has to be around to constantly validate their feelings.
The break-up represents a threat to the narcissist
If you stick to your resolve to cut off any forms of contact, this will automatically represent a threat to the narcissist. Much like a wounded animal, they’ll lash out by doing something insane.
They’ll pretend like they’re the best person on earth if that’s what it comes to and they won’t stoop to levels like blackmailing you with threats of suicide and self-harm if nothing else works out.
The narcissist will keep coming back if there is even the smallest chance of getting a fix from you or the way you react to their actions might even give them enough to keep them going.
Understand that the narcissist knows perfectly well that they are hurting you. But they simply don’t care about anyone but themselves. Even the smallest reaction from you will make them come running, so be very careful.
Don’t underestimate how patient a narcissist can be. The narcissist won’t mind waiting if they think they can somehow worm themselves back into the place they held before. They’ll keep at it till an opportunity presents itself and come back without any apology or explanation.
They might have secured a fix somewhere else but once that runs out, they’ll come back to you for the kick they get out of knowing that they hold power over someone. Your action of casting away all ties will shake them to the very core so they’ll pull out whatever trick they can come back with to re-conquer you.
But if the narcissist realizes that you’re on to their game, they’ll begin avoiding you just in case you decide to reveal their true face to others. Chances are they’ll stop contacting you and since they don’t have any scruples, they’ll be able to move on to another victim quite fast.
They’ll bounce right back to you
Gear yourself up for a prolonged struggle about your decision to break-up. They won’t like how it affects their social standing and that they’ll now have to find someone else to take your place. They’ll suddenly be very nice to you and even pretend to have changed. They’ll keep coming back ‘just to talk’ on some pretext or another but what they’re really doing is trying to slowly manipulate you into falling for them again.
Like life, the break-up is a cycle
The narcissist will deal with the ‘downs’ of the break-up by creating a cycle wherein it is followed by the ‘ups’ of getting back together. This cannot be avoided if you are in a relationship with a narcissist. Even if they leave, they will return. If they’ve hurt you, they’ll apologize and put in a lot of effort to get you back only to hurt you again.
They are well-versed in using your kindness and love to their advantage. The whole act of hurting you, then getting you back is like an addictive game to them and they’ll need to keep doing it to be satisfied. As mentioned earlier, don’t react to any of the tricks they play. Even the smallest rise from you will give them satisfaction so just stay away and don’t feed the addiction.
Remember that you are a drug
No matter how long you’ve been together, the narcissist will always act like they control everything you do. No matter what lines you draw, they’ll overstep them and simply ask for your forgiveness later. It’s nice to believe that they keep coming back because they really love you and want to be with you. But more often than not, you’re just a way to feed their addiction.
Ever since the break-up, they’ll try to continue the cycle of tearing you down and building you back up before tearing you down again. So, don’t give them any opportunities to reestablish themselves.
It will be tempting to believe that they really have changed but as soon as you relent, they’ll go back to their old ways. They’re only in it for the games they can play to retain their control over you.
Mentally prepare yourself for the insanity that will ensue when you break up with them. If you stay strong, they will eventually lose heart and probably go off looking for another victim.
Just remind yourself that you are worthy of a love that they cannot provide because they care for no one else but themselves. They do not deserve you and there is no reason for you to continue suffering.