There is only one type of person that creates smear campaigns, a character disturbed individual. Think about it for a moment. Have you ever thought, even once, to intentionally humiliate, embarrass or impact the view of a person’s supports by contacting them and saying false things about a friend, family member or loved one? If the answer is “no” it is because you are not character disturbed. This behavioral trait is a hallmark of narcissistic personality disorder and sociopaths/psychopaths but is also seen in other character disturbances.
By the time you become aware of the fact that someone you trust or trusted is smearing your name, they have been doing it already for some time. You only find out about it when they are either no longer cautious, someone tells you or the person wants you to find out. It is a hideous game of control and one-up manship. NORMAL PEOPLE DO NOT BEHAVE THIS WAY.
It is NOT NORMAL behavior for an adult to go behind the back of another adult and contact their supports, family and friends to tell them that you are crazy and/or addicted to substances.
Why do they do it? They do it because their goal is to destroy your credibility. When you are getting along with them well, not thinking about leaving them and otherwise providing them with narcissistic supply, they do NOT try to ruin your name. At the first sign of you disagreeing with them, leaving them or otherwise giving them space, they go straight to your contacts in an attempt to damage your credibility. They do this because THEY FEAR what your opinion is of them and what you may potentially tell people or how it will look when a person of your character chooses to leave them. It is that straight forward. When you think back you will realize they contacted your friends on social media or otherwise innocently obtained YOUR CONTACTS and you will have very few of theirs, particularly as they are duplicitous and lead deceptive complicated lives with MANY sources of supply available to them at all times.
Narcissists, psychopaths, sociopaths and some of the other character disturbances, HAVE NO INTEGRATED ego. What people see in public is a mask, veneer, façade and it is designed to gain public approval or favor. When you attempt to break away from them or disagree with them, they fear that you are destroying their mask. In order to preserve their mask, which is very important to them, because they are not integrated and do not have an authentic self, they attempt to RUIN you. Their mask is so fragile that any discord, disagreement or lack of support is interpreted as an attempt to shatter their mask. They spend their lives constructing and wearing a flimsy mask in order to hide what it is behind it… NOTHING. Behind the mask is the desire to harm, violate, control and destroy people. These folks do NOT view people as people, but as objects to be used to build them up or feared as they could break them down (shatter their mask).
By the time it comes to your attention that they are smearing your name, it has already been happening for a long time, even if it is subtle. Most often they use the contacts YOU GAVE THEM, to go straight to the people you are most likely to confide in and they attempt to discredit you, call you crazy, complain you’re an addict or junkie, so the recipient of their slander will NOT BELIEVE you.
Who cares? Anyone who engages with a person who supposedly loves you but is talking trash about you, is not worthy of your time or attention. If your contacts wish to be minions/flying monkeys for a person who is trashing your name, you are better off knowing this, as they are unworthy of ANY OF YOUR TIME, ENERGY, FOCUS or affection. End of discussion. People who love you BRING YOU UP and NEVER, EVER engage ANY person in conversations about you, behind your back, in which you are portrayed in a negative light. People who receive negative messages about you and get caught up in the drama ARE NOT FRIENDS and if they are family they are not decent. And you do not need to engage ANY PERSON who smears your name or is the recipient of a smear campaign AND entertains it. Your true friends and people who are WORTHY of having you in their life will EXTINGUISH conversations in which you are subjected to smearing and will CALL YOU AND TELL YOU immediately. Anything short of that and the person does not have your best interest in mind and is to be feared. There is no other way to explain this or any situation in which any person is excused for participating, even if by proxy, in a campaign intended to spread negativity about you. Think about it. If your friend, family member or romantic partner TRULY thought that you had serious problems, they would call your attention to the matter with EMPATHY, support and kindness and would do that directly to your face, through a discussion rather then soliciting your contacts in attempt to humiliate you and discredit you. Smear campaigns speak VOLUMES about the primitive, character disordered people who start them and the disturbed flying monkeys and minions who participate in them. They say NOTHING about you. The thing is, these folks are so stunted developmentally that they are not even able to comprehend that in the real world, real adults do not operate in this fashion. They truly see nothing wrong with their behavior and that sheds light on how distorted THEY ARE.
In some ways, smear campaigns are a gift. While they are not fun and they are hard to be the recipient of, they certainly show you what the person who started them is made of and are a perfect instance of a situation in which an adult is operating in a childlike manner without empathy or human decency. While it hurts to learn that some of your contacts are flying monkeys and minions, it is better to learn who has your back and who does not. Why would you want to remain in relationships with people who seek to destroy you and enable others to do so? In some ways the flying monkeys and the minions are worse than the perpetrator as they pop out in response to an abusers tactics when they may have been previously hidden or disguised. A painful lesson learned now can save you heartache and disappointment in the future.
Narcissists always reveal themselves when you are still and silent. By not reacting you will be subject to their highly primitive thought process and behavior patterns. They are not sophisticated and they are not whole. They only have a limited repertoire of behaviors and while they may have normal intellectual development and abilities they do NOT HAVE evolved or mature emotional development and abilities. They operate on the same emotional level as a three to five-year old child and THIS STUNTED development ALWAYS comes to light. They ALWAYS show themselves. By creating chaos and destruction they take the spot light off of themselves and put it onto you. You are displayed frantically navigating the wake of their horror. By being still and letting the process unfold you are able to witness the equivalent of a two-year-old style outburst.
Here is the best part. They are SO STUNTED from their one-track thinking (create a mask, destroy anything or anyone that compromises their mask) that they seem almost ridiculous or stupid. THIS IS BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT developmentally age appropriate and THIS ALWAYS SHOWS ITSELF. In your silence you will find answers as they display primitive and childlike behaviors which are pathological, primitive and dangerous in adults. They are one track minded and not sophisticated and this ALWAYS shows itself. Be thankful that you are integrated, complete and can move on to REAL relationships with complete and normal adults. I know how hard this is. I have been there and more than once. Your life is much more simple, complete, fulfilling and enjoyable once these characters and their flying monkeys are GONE. This message comes from a place of love and compassion. I know it’s hard to hear.