Tuesday , October 15 2019

17 Things I Learned From Cutting Out A Toxic Family Member

1. No one has permission to treat you like crap. Not even the people who raised you.

2. You cannot let the guilt get to you. No matter what this person put you through, no matter how much hatred you hold for them in your heart, a part of you will always love them. You will always wish things turned out differently. But that does not mean you made the wrong decision. It does not mean you should reach out to them again.

3. It is possible to love someone and want nothing to do with them at the same time.

4. A lot of people are not going to understand your decision. They are going to encourage you to reconnect. They are going to say things like family is the most important thing in the world. Remind yourself they have no idea what you went through. They do not have a right to judge you.

5. Even though you were the one who decided to walk away, they are the reason the relationship crumbled. They hurt you and hurt you until you had no other choice.

6. You cannot change your family member. You are not in charge of their actions. You are only in charge of your own actions.

7. Sometimes, the people who share your DNA are the ones who will treat you the worst. But that is okay, because you can create your own family. A better family. A family you choose, not a family that was forced upon you.

8. You never deserved to be hurt by them. You did nothing wrong.

9. When you cut one person out of your world, you create a chain reaction. You will end up losing more people in the process — people who chose the other person’s side — and you have to learn to accept that.

10. Doing what is best for yourself is not selfish.

11. You are allowed to cut toxic people out of your world — even if you have strong history, even if they are family, even if they have done a lot for you over the years. You are not obligated to keep them around if they are causing you pain. You are allowed to leave them in your past.

12. Cutting a family out of your world does not make you a bad person. It makes you self-aware. It makes you strong enough to do the right thing.

13. Even though walking away is best for you, it is going to hurt like hell. It is never easy to leave behind someone who was a part of your life for such a long time.

14. You are going to get through this. You are going to feel better soon.

15. Family members do not get a free pass to mistreat you.

16. Stop telling yourself they would have changed if they loved you enough. That is a dangerous way to think. Their shitty behavior has nothing to do with you.

17. Even though there are going to be days when you miss them, days when you are tempted to rekindle your relationship with them, you have to remember you are better off without them.

 

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